We hear about self-love all the time, but what does it really mean? Is it just about treating yourself to a spa day once a month or looking in the mirror and saying, “I love you”? While those things can be beautiful self-care acts, self-love runs deeper.
To me, self-love starts with showing up for yourself every single day. It’s in how you speak to yourself, the boundaries you set, and how you nurture your mind, body, and soul.
It’s about learning to forgive yourself and honoring your needs. It’s also about loving all aspects of yourself, by accepting your flaws, your weaknesses, and the things you don’t always like about yourself.
True self-love isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being real.
But unfortunately, self-love doesn’t always come naturally. Many of us have been taught that prioritizing ourselves is selfish, that we should always put others first, and that our worth is somehow tied to how much we do for those around us. We grow up believing that love has to come from someone else—that we need validation from a partner, friends, or family to feel worthy.
But the truth is, we can’t pour from an empty cup. If we don’t have love ourselves, how can we give love to others? How can we build deep, fulfilling relationships—with our partners, our parents, our friends, and even our children—if we’re constantly running on empty?
That’s why self-love is the foundation of all relationships—it allows us to receive love, set boundaries, and show up as our true selves.
So if you’ve ever struggled with loving yourself or you’re not sure where to start, you are not alone. Self-love isn’t something we’re born knowing how to do—it’s something we learn. It’s a journey, a process, and something we can all build step by step.
5 Steps to Self-Love
Self-love isn’t just a one-time thing—it’s something we practice daily. It’s about how we treat ourselves, how we speak to ourselves, and the choices we make.
These five steps will help you build a foundation of love, respect, and kindness toward yourself.
1. Self Acceptance
Self-love starts with accepting yourself exactly as you are—flaws, imperfections, and all. So often, we focus on what we want to change, but true acceptance means embracing the whole of you, not just the parts you like. Instead of focusing on what you dislike, shift your focus to what makes you unique.
♡ Affirmation: “I love and accept myself unconditionally.”
♡ Affirmation: “I choose to focus on the positive qualities within me.”
2. Self Forgiveness
We’ve all made mistakes, said the wrong thing, or acted in ways we later regret. But holding onto guilt and shame only keeps us stuck in the past. Forgiveness is freedom. It allows you to release what no longer serves you and move forward with lightness.
If self-forgiveness is something you’ve struggled with, I’ve written a whole blog post with actionable steps to help you through it.
♡ Affirmation: “I forgive myself for any past mistakes and choose to move forward with love and compassion.”
3. Self Responsibility
Loving yourself also means taking full responsibility for your life. It’s easy to feel like life is just happening to us, but the truth is—we are the creators of our story. When we stop seeing ourselves as victims, and instead take charge of our actions, we reclaim control over our happiness.
♡ Affirmation: “I am responsible for my happiness and create the life I desire.”
4. Self Care
Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Self-care means nurturing your mind, body, and soul before you reach the point of exhaustion. Listen to what your body needs, whether it’s rest, nourishment, movement, or simply a moment to breathe. Make self-care a daily habit, not just something you do when you’re burned out.
♡ Affirmation: “I prioritize my well-being and take care of myself.”
♡ Affirmation: “I am grateful for my body and treat it with love and nourishment.”
5. Self Compassion
Self-love isn’t about being perfect—it’s about treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a best friend. Too often, we are our own harshest critics, expecting ourselves to have it all figured out. But the truth is, we are all human. We all make mistakes. And we all deserve patience and understanding.
♡ Affirmation: “I treat myself with the same love and respect that I offer to others.”
How to Start Loving Yourself
There’s no “right” way to start loving yourself because we’re all on different paths. Self-love isn’t a checklist—it’s a personal journey.
But what’s important is that you begin. Small, intentional actions every day can help you build a deeper, more loving relationship with yourself. Here are some ways to start:
- Get to the root of why you struggle with self-love
It helps to understand why it feels difficult for you. Ask yourself:
→ What beliefs do I hold about myself that stop me from loving who I am?
→ Where did these beliefs come from? Are they even true?
→ What would I say to a friend who felt this way about themselves?
Bringing awareness to these thoughts can help you understand yourself better and start shifting them into a more positive one.
- Shift negative thoughts into positive ones
The way you speak to yourself matters. If you constantly criticize yourself, it’s time to change that.
Instead of saying, “I always mess up,” try → “I am learning and growing every day.”
Instead of, “I’m not good enough,” remind yourself → “I am worthy just as I am.”
Remember, words shape your reality—choose ones that uplift you.
- Forgive yourself
We all make mistakes—that’s part of being human. Holding onto guilt and shame only keeps you stuck in the past.
Practice self-compassion by reminding yourself: I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.
- Connect with your inner child
A lot of our struggles with self-worth come from childhood. Take a moment to connect with your younger self and ask:
→ What did I need to hear as a child but didn’t?
→ How can I give myself that love and reassurance now?
Showing kindness to your inner child can help heal old wounds and deepen your self-love.
- Stop comparing yourself with others.
Everyone’s journey is different, and there is no “right timeline” for success, healing, or growth.
Instead of focusing on what others have, shift your energy toward your progress.
Try this mindset shift: I don’t have to be perfect; I just need to be 1% better than yesterday.
Small steps add up.
- Create boundaries with others and yourself.
Boundaries protect your energy. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re selfish—it means you respect yourself.
Whether it’s limiting time with people who drain you or setting personal boundaries (like reducing negative self-talk).
- Get to know yourself on a deeper level.
Loving yourself means understanding who you truly are.
Ask yourself:
♡ What brings me joy?
♡ What drains my energy?
♡ What kind of life do I want to create?
♡ What actions align with my values?
The more you learn about yourself, the easier it becomes to make choices that align with your happiness.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
Self-love doesn’t mean doing it all alone. Seeking support—whether through therapy, talking to a friend, or joining a like-minded community, can be incredibly healing.
- Start a journaling practice.
Journaling is one of the most powerful tools for self-discovery and healing. I’ll share some of my favorite self-love prompts below, but even just writing out your thoughts can help you process emotions and gain clarity.
- Make time for yourself every month
Life gets busy, but prioritizing you is essential. Take time every month for something that nourishes your soul. It could be a self-care ritual, a solo date, or simply an hour to do something you love. This sends a powerful message to yourself: I am worthy of care and attention.
- Remind yourself that you are one of a kind
Out of billions of people on this planet, there is only one you—and that’s your superpower.
No one else has your exact experiences, dreams, or magic. Celebrate your uniqueness, because the world needs you, exactly as you are.
My Self-Love Journey
Self-love wasn’t something that I always had. I grew up feeling insecure, constantly questioning if I was enough. I wanted to fit in, to be liked, to feel seen. But in trying so hard to be accepted, I lost sight of what made me me.
Since my teenage years, I tied my self-worth to external validation—whether it was how I looked, how many friends I had, or whether I was seen as “cool.” I didn’t know how to say no because I was afraid that by doing that it would push people away.
It wasn’t until I found the right people for me when I was 19. I moved to Amsterdam and met the most genuine friendships that valued who I was rather than what I had.
I realized there that self-love isn’t about changing who you are to be accepted, it’s about accepting yourself fully so that the right people naturally gravitate toward you.
The journey hasn’t been easy, but over time, I’ve learned that loving yourself is a daily practice. It’s in the small moments—choosing kindness toward yourself, setting boundaries without guilt, and understanding that you are enough just as you are.
Since stepping into self-love, I’ve attracted the most authentic friendships, a supportive partner, and, most importantly, a deep sense of peace within myself.
Of course, self-doubt still creeps in from time to time, but now I have the tools to navigate it. And that’s exactly why I share my journey—not just the highlights, but the real, messy, behind-the-scenes moments too.
💌 If you’re craving deeper, rawer conversations on self-love, personal growth, and building a life that feels real—I share it all in my newsletter. No sugarcoating—just honest reflections, lessons I’ve learned, and practical tips to help you on your journey.
Practices that have helped me on my self-love journey
Over the past 10 years, I’ve explored different practices that have helped me build a deeper connection with myself. While everyone’s journey is unique, here are some of the practices that have truly made a difference for me:
→ Meditation has helped me gain control over my emotions and heal my anxiety. It allows me to be present and process my thoughts with a clear mind.
→ Breathwork helps me decrease stress and instantly shift my nervous system into a state of calm.
→ Moving my body in a way that feels good—whether it’s yoga, pilates, gym workouts, HIIT, running, or simply walking. It boosts my mood, releases happy hormones, and reminds me that taking care of my body is an act of self-love.
→ Fueling my body with whole foods and avoiding processed foods as much as possible has transformed my energy levels, skin, hair, and overall well-being. When I nourish my body, I feel better in every way.
→ Hypnotherapy has been one of the most powerful tools for uncovering the root of my beliefs. Once I understood where my limiting beliefs came from, it became so much easier to shift them into something positive.
→ Mindset work has completely changed my relationship with myself. By shifting negative self-talk, practicing gratitude, and reframing limiting beliefs, I’ve built a mindset that supports my self-love journey.
→ Therapy has been a safe space to explore myself on a deeper level. It’s so refreshing to talk to someone who understands how the mind works and gain a new perspective on life with actionable tips.
→ Self-help books, podcasts, and courses have opened my mind to new perspectives and given me tools to grow, heal, and evolve. I take different courses that align with me from Mindvalley, I love the podcast called “The School of Greatness” and for book recommendations, I will write a whole blog post about it. 😉
→ Journaling helps me process my emotions and gain clarity. It’s like having a conversation with myself where I can express, release, and realign, almost like being my therapist.
→ Setting boundaries and saying no has been life-changing. Learning to honor my own needs without guilt has allowed me to protect my energy and surround myself with healthier relationships.
→ Spending time in nature grounds me, brings me peace, and clears my mind. Whether it’s the ocean, mountains, or just a walk in the park, nature always reminds me to slow down and appreciate the present.
→ Romanticizing my life has made my daily routines feel more magical. Whether it’s lighting candles while reading, enjoying a slow morning coffee, or appreciating the little details, it has helped me find beauty in the ordinary. (I wrote a full blog post on romanticizing your life—read it here.)
→ Solo dates have helped me embrace my own company and strengthen my relationship with myself. Taking myself out for lunch or coffee, going on walks, or even treating myself to a trip has made me more comfortable being alone and truly enjoying my presence.
→ Surrounding myself with positive people has had a profound impact on my mindset. Being around those who celebrate me, inspire me, and support my growth has made all the difference.
Self-Love Journal Prompts
Journaling is one of the best ways to deepen your self-love journey. It allows you to reflect, release, and reconnect with yourself on a deeper level. As promised here are a few prompts to help you explore your relationship with yourself:
→ What are three things I love about myself? (Try to choose one from each category—physical, personality, and abilities.)
→ How can I be kinder to myself this week?
→ What limiting beliefs do I need to let go of?
→ How do I want to feel in my daily life, and what small actions can help me get there?
→ When do I feel the happiest?
→ What is something I need to forgive myself for?
Take a few moments to sit with these questions and write from the heart. There are no right or wrong answers—just an opportunity to get to know yourself better and build a foundation of love from within.
Final Thoughts
Self-love is a journey, not a destination. Some days it will feel easy, and other days, it will take more effort—but every step you take toward loving yourself is worth it.
Remember, you don’t have to change overnight. Start with one small act of self-love today, whether it’s setting a boundary, speaking kindly to yourself, or simply taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you are enough.
What’s one self-love practice you’ll commit to this week? Share it with me, I would love to know.
♡