As a kid, I always dreamed of having a lot of friends. I thought that would make me “cool.” As I started gaining more friends and attention, I found myself trying to change who I was just to fit in. I thought I had to act a certain way, say the “right” things, and never say no because I was afraid of losing people. That’s how the people-pleaser in me was born.
But slowly, I started losing sight of who I really was. I didn’t know what I truly wanted, and it left me feeling drained and out of touch with myself. Back then, I didn’t even realize that I might be in the wrong friend groups.
Everything started to shift when I moved to Amsterdam. I began working at a bar called Cocos, a place filled with people from all over the world, each with their own personality, style, and way of living. Being surrounded by such diverse energy made me realize something simple but life-changing. I didn’t need to be anyone else but myself, and for the first time, I felt free.
I met people who valued me for who I truly was, and it felt like a fresh start. By simply being authentic, I started attracting the right people and experiences into my life. That’s when I began to understand the power of being true to myself, and that’s when real confidence began to grow.
Self-Doubt and the Pressure to Be Someone Else
Self-doubt is something we all face. But it can feel especially heavy when we’re constantly comparing ourselves to others. Social media, society, and even family can set invisible standards about how we “should” look, behave, or succeed. And that pressure can make us question our worth and our choices.
Self-doubt thrives in these environments. It feeds on fear: fear of not measuring up, fear of judgment, fear of not fitting in. It whispers that the only way to be accepted is by changing yourself to fit someone else’s mold. But the more you try to be someone else, the further you drift from your true self.
And self-doubt isn’t just external—it’s internal, too. That little voice inside your head telling you you’re not good enough, that you don’t deserve happiness, or that you’ll never make it can be exhausting. But remember that voice is not your truth.
5 Ways to Overcome Self-Doubt and Build Confidence
1. Embrace Your Authenticity
The first step to overcoming self-doubt is embracing who you truly are. This can feel scary because it means stepping away from people-pleasing and the comfort of approval. But the truth is, no one will ever truly appreciate you until you appreciate yourself.
For me, letting go of the idea that I needed to fit in or be “likable” was life-changing. The moment I started showing up as myself, I felt free, and I attracted people who appreciated me for who I really was. Start small and notice what makes you unique, celebrate it, and let it shine in the little ways you interact with the world. Flaws and all, they are part of your charm.
2. Celebrate Your Small Wins
Confidence isn’t built overnight; it grows through small, consistent steps. Maybe it’s sharing your thoughts in a meeting, setting a boundary, or simply getting through a difficult day. Every small win matters.
I remember a time at work when I used to say yes to everything. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, but eventually, I felt like I was drowning under the weight of extra tasks. It got so overwhelming that I almost quit my job. That’s when I realized something important: if I didn’t set boundaries, nobody else would, and my coworkers might not even realize how much was already on my plate.
So, I made a decision. I started saying no to extra tasks and stood firm in my choice. Surprisingly, I didn’t get any backlash, and I was still appreciated for the work I was already doing. That experience gave me a huge confidence boost—it taught me that setting boundaries isn’t just okay, it’s necessary for your growth and well-being.
Each small victory, like standing your ground or prioritizing yourself, reinforces that you are capable. Over time, these wins accumulate, and confidence starts to grow from the inside out.
3. Shift Your Inner Dialogue
How often do you speak kindly to yourself? If your inner voice is harsh, it can hold you back more than any external challenge. Start treating yourself like your best friend. Speak to yourself with love, encouragement, and patience.
Whenever I notice negative self-talk creeping in, I pause and reframe it. Instead of thinking, “I can’t do this,” I try, “I’m learning, and that’s enough for now.” Shifting your mindset may feel small, but it has a ripple effect on how you see yourself and the world.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
The people we spend time with influence how we see ourselves. If you’re constantly around negativity or judgment, it can chip away at your confidence. Surround yourself with people who uplift, inspire, and truly value you.
I learned this the hard way in my early friend groups, they weren’t terrible, but they weren’t the right fit for me. When I found people who genuinely supported my growth and authenticity, my confidence boosted. The right relationships create a safe space for you to flourish.
5. Invest in Self-Care
Confidence isn’t just about mindset—it’s about taking care of your mind, body, and soul. When you prioritize yourself, you send a powerful message: “I am worthy of care and respect.”
Self-care can be as simple as journaling your thoughts, going for a walk, meditating, or enjoying a cup of tea in silence. For me, these little rituals became daily reminders that I am enough. When you feel good on the inside, it shows on the outside, naturally boosting your confidence.
Overcome Self-Doubt and Build Confidence Today
If you’re ready to go deeper into self-love, personal growth, and building confidence, I’ve created a FREE 30-Day Self-Love & Inner Growth Challenge. Each day includes one affirmation, one task, and one journal prompt. Taking just 10 minutes to reconnect with yourself, boost confidence, and practice self-compassion.
You are enough just as you are. Self-doubt is part of the journey, not the definition of who you are.
Take one small step today: embrace your true self, stop pretending, and start showing up as the confident, powerful woman you already are.
